Strong Magma Super One Pound Beef Burger from Burger King
That’s a hefty price for a fast-food sandwich.
Meet the Strong Magma Super One Pound Beef Burger. That poster is enough to make a man cower in fear.
If you’ve never eaten at a fast food place in another nation, you might not know that they sell different products in different countries. I was shocked the day I was told that in 2008, Australia still did not have the Double Quarter Pounder as a regular menu item. And there is no disappointment like that felt by my friend Sean and I when we strolled into a Bulgarian McDonald’s in the middle of the night to discover they sold donuts instead of breakfast sandwiches.
Japanese chains often feature unique items, ranging from the delicious to the highly questionable. Burger King, especially, stands out for its daring practices. It introduced an all-black burger, and recently came out with its Super One Pound Beef line, including an all-you-can-eat challenge.
The Strong Magma is the latest in this terrifying trend. Billed as the “spiciest meat wall,” it features four patties totaling one pound of beef, two slices of cheddar cheese, and garlic flakes doused in a sauce made from Gion Ajiko, famous for its toilet-destroying properties.
Because I was a good boy this week, my wife brought me one of these monstrosities, and I ate that thing. Here’s how it went.
Breakfast of psychopaths.
My Strong Magma, minus pickles and onions because those things are gross, and Eriko’s Avocado Whopper. Also some fries. I have a strong emotional attachment to Burger King fries. When I was in high school, they changed their recipe to make the fries more potato-tasting, and they were delicious. I’d stop by any time I could to get some. Then eventually they changed the recipe again. And again. Then they were big. Then they were small again. I don’t know why they kept messing with them. These tasted okay, but lacked the consistency of McDonald’s, the champion when it comes to having things taste the same no matter where you go.
But you didn’t come here for the fries. You came here for the giant spicy burger.
In Soviet Union, burger eats you.
Let me be clear: it was big. I don’t usually struggle to get my mouth around a burger, but this thing really tested my jaw. Even after being packed together and smushed in the bag, it was huge.
The first bite tasted like a satisfying Burger King burger. It was familiar. The bun was a classic Burger King bun. There was meat and cheese, and that little bit of flame-broiled char that may or may not be painted on. There was also the immediate sense that I might not be able to finish it.
I am opinionated about spicy food: I love it. I love hot wings and salsa and all that stuff. However, I do not like the texture of a lot of spicy foods. I love the spiciness of jalapeños, but not biting into one. My favorite kind of spice is when you can’t taste it at all, just feel the heat, and on that, the Strong Magma delivered right away. It took a second to feel it, a sting in the back of the throat without any change to the flavor of the burger, no bitter chipotle taste or flimsy peppers, just heat. That was what I came here for.
We are not playing around.
As for the meat: it was not good. It was gray and pretty flavorless. Even though this was the most expensive fast-food item I’d ever eaten, it was still four patties from Burger King stacked on top of one another. Without the novelty of the size and spiciness, I don’t think I would have liked it much.
As I got to the middle of the burger, I recognized an issue: all the spicy stuff had been placed in the center. As a result, it got spicier the more I got into it, but that also meant there were big hunks of those spicy garlic chips piled in the center. Those few bites in the middle were not pleasant in terms of flavor or texture, but the spiciness still carried the experience and made me want to keep eating.
Did I finish this giant burger? You bet your pootie woot I did. I’d say I enjoyed the burger for a full 3/4 of it. The rest I ate because I am a disgusting pig. The last couple bites were exhausting. I collapsed back on the couch as I struggled to chew the final bite, immediately regretting what I’d done.
If I were 16 and had just played basketball for several hours, I would have devoured this thing gladly. As it was, I barely finished it, and with a lot of heartburn. I would not get anything done for the rest of the day.
As I rolled around in pain, Eriko tried her first-ever Whopper.
It looks better when you’re hungry.
She loved the fact that it had avocado on it, and was surprised by the size. I asked her how it compared to Wendy’s and McDonald’s. “Bigger and better and lots of stuff on top,” she said.
She later revised that to say she preferred Wendy's because the beef in this one had “not so much taste” and because she likes small things. Later still, she decided she preferred McDonald’s too. But if she were really hungry, she'd want this because it's big, and it's "good for young people." Her main criticism was that the slices of onion were too thick and overpowering, so people like me who don't like onions would hate it.
So, what’s the overall verdict on Burger King and the Strong Magma Super One Pound Beef Burger?
Burger King does not serve the most flavorful of burgers, and the taste of this one wasn’t really memorable. However, I’m still happy I took on the challenge of the Strong Magma. It was big and spicy and fun to eat, though not good enough that I would ever do it again, and that’s probably for the best as I do not want to die. Burger King, I have tried your burger and eliminated it. I win this round.
UPDATE: Two hours later. I feel awful. Every second that passes, I regret eating this burger more. Heartburn, now a sore throat. I'm drinking a CC lemon and Pocari simultaneously to try and fight the demons. Wrecked my day.
UPDATE: Five hours later. The discomfort continues. This is not a burger for an aging man.
UPDATE: The next morning, and I still don’t feel like eating, more than 12 hours later. The Strong Magma is a vicious beast, and no man can tame her. I may have won the battle, but Burger King won the war.
I hereby retire from eating Strong Magma One Pound Beef Burgers. I think I’m good on fast food for a while. Gonna take a break and concentrate on the important things in life. But the next time a Japanese junk food purveyor invents an unholy abomination of meat? You know I’ll be there.
