For Sale In Japan: High-Minded Literature

As America’s least-celebrated author, I’m a fan of books. Luckily, Japan has a lot of bookstores, and those bookstores have some excellent titles. Take this children’s tome, for instance…

Everyone but the turtle looks guilty as hell.

That title is Who Pooped? A mystery worthy of master of suspense Agatha Christie herself! I suspect the bird.

But we’re not done. This next book was on display at Journal Standard, a popular clothing store in Kobe:

If you say you’re not turned on, I’ll know you’re lying.

That’s right, it’s Cabin Porn!

Listen, I’m not here to judge anyone for what they’re into. You do you. If looking at cabins is what floats your rocket, then by all means, go ahead.

Now the next time some weirdo asks you what your favorite kind of porn is, you’ll know what to say!