Hotel Review: Conrad Koh Samui
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Back in 2022, my wife and I took a trip to Italy and France. We spent a lot of money and stayed in a lot of hotels, so we ended up with Hilton Diamond Status. In 2023, we moved to Tokyo, so aside from one stay at the Hilton Tokyo, we didn’t get to enjoy the status very much. Our Diamond Status was going to expire in April 2024, so we decided to plan a trip for March where we would stay at a fancy Hilton to take advantage of all the perks before it was too late. There was one Hilton at the top of our list.
We first stayed at the Conrad Koh Samui in February 2020, right before COVID, and loved it. Unfortunately, we only booked two days, which is not enough to enjoy the island or the resort itself. Now we had the chance to rectify that by spending 4 nights at a hotel that for some reason can be booked with points and free night certificates from Hilton. Here’s the story of our trip.
Arrival at the Conrad Koh Samui
Koh Samui is the second-largest island in Thailand, and as an island is only accessible by plane. The flight from Bangkok is only an hour, but it really doesn’t matter how long a flight is - any time spent on an airplane is enough to make you hate the rest of humanity. Hmm, I distinctly remember reading that only one carry-on and one personal item are allowed, yet you’ve got five bags. I guess you’re so special that you deserve special treatment? I have to check my bags while this chump who stopped at every store at the airport is now stuffing $10 million worth of overpriced merchandise into the overhead bin? THROW HIM OUT THE HATCH. I digress.
After an hour on the plane, we stepped out onto the tarmac, where a tram took us to the airport. Samui Airport (USM) is an outdoor experience, and the weather was perfect upon our arrival, a nice 83 or so, which would be a theme during our stay. We got our bags at the carousel and walked to meet our driver. It’s possible to get a cab at the airport, but we used the Conrad’s pickup service because that way we wouldn’t have to explain where to go or deal with cash. The pickup service costs 1,500 baht, but a cab to the hotel (which is on the waaaay south part of the island) would cost 1,000, so it’s not that much more.
Pro tip: when you exit the baggage claim at Samui Airport, you reach a pickup area. This is NOT the pickup area where the hotel will pick you up. You need to keep walking to a SECOND pickup area. You’re welcome.
The car was a Toyota Fortuner, which is not super fancy but was nice and cool. They even gave us coconuts to drink, snacks to eat, and cool towels for the drive, which took about 45 minutes. There’s no highway, so you drive through the main thoroughfares of the island and get to see both the crowded touristy areas and some of the nature (read: cows) along the way. Keep an eye out for chill dogs that don’t bother to move when a car or motorcycle speeds right past them.
Koh Samui, thanks to its gorgeous beaches and low prices, is very popular with tourists. As such, the main part of town has a distinctly beach-town vibe like that you might find in some Mexican resort towns. By that I mean restaurants with loud music and huge ads for Western food and big buckets of alcohol. Weed is also apparently legal in Thailand now, so the streets are dotted with dispensaries. We don’t drink or smoke and did plenty of shopping in Bangkok, so unlike our last trip where we went to restaurants and attractions on the island, we decided to spend this whole visit at the resort.
The Conrad is quite far from the action, all the way on the south end of the island, and might be confusing to get to if one were driving, since there are a lot of small, windy roads leading up to it. You wouldn’t even want to walk down the street to one of the other hotels to eat lunch because of the long, steep drives, so in order to go anywhere, you’d have to get a cab or schedule the hotel limousine service. We did that the last time we were there and it worked out fine, but this time we were here to relax and reward ourselves for whatever it is we did to deserve this.
Upon arrival, we were given more wet towels and fresh juice from the local blue fruit as we waited for the paperwork to be done. Some activities have to be reserved in advance, so we made our choices while we checked in. There was also a masseuse there, so Eriko got a free massage. In case you can’t tell yet, the views at the Conrad are absolutely stunning, even from the lobby. We were excited, and hungry, which was good, because it was food time.
Afternoon tea at Zest restaurant
About a month before your arrival, you will receive an email from the hotel staff to arrange things like your airport pickup, reservations for any activities, and any other special requests you may have. The last time we were there, we’d taken an early flight and our room wasn’t ready yet, so we had afternoon tea at Jahn, the fancy steakhouse at the hotel. It was amazing. I’ll be thinking about the peanut butter and chocolate cigar on my deathbed. Alas, Jahn no longer offers afternoon tea, so they reserved afternoon tea at Zest, the hotel’s Thai restaurant.
The “tea” consisted of hot water and an assortment of herbs that we could add at our discretion to brew our own tea. What were these things? Good question. One was ginger. We’re having trouble remembering the others. They tasted good. We made tea and enjoyed some varying tastes. We also asked for tea because we didn’t realize they were going to bring this tea-making thing, so they brought us the tea we ordered, too. We had a lot of tea.
There was a vast assortment of both savory and sweet treats. Among them were a crab macaron, mushroom mille-feuille, flan, and scones. My favorites were the fruit and custard tarts, as well as the spring rolls filled with mango. There was some good stuff, but I don’t think it was as good as the afternoon tea we had at Jahn four years ago, and I got the feeling people don’t order this tea very often. It was an okay experience, but since we were on a nine-day eating binge after Gregg lost 25 pounds last year, this may have been overkill.
Full of food, we headed off to see our villa.
One-bedroom villa at the Conrad Koh Samui
Diamond Status entitled us to complimentary room upgrades, so we were bumped up to a slightly larger premium villa in a prime position. However, every villa at the Conrad Koh Samui is amazing, so you really don’t need an upgrade. Every room has its own infinity pool with a view of the pristine sea. Our room was 216.
You cannot walk to your room because it’s too far and the path is too steep. Whenever you want to go somewhere, you either call the front desk or text on the Hilton Honors app (which is what we did) to request a buggy, and an employee comes with a golf cart to drive you where you want to go. Repeatedly asking for rides can be tiresome, but we liked riding with them because everyone was super nice and seemed to like us (probably because of Eriko).
The room was gigantic, a huge bed with high ceilings and what’s this towel elephants?? We’re used to a tiny apartment in Tokyo, so this bed was amazing to us. There’s a pillow menu just like at the Conrad Bangkok, but unlike there, all the outlets worked here. They left us some fruit and lots of water, and there was a Nespresso machine so Gregg could drink lots of coffee.
There’s a little closet area that has space for your suitcases, a safe, and a tote bag you can take to the beach (which we used the entire visit). There’s also a laundry service, with same-day laundry if you get it to them by 10 a.m. There were two sinks so we didn’t have to share, a gigantic bathtub we didn’t use, and a very nice shower. Oh, and did I mention the infinity pool and view?
There’s two lounge chairs as well as a table to sit at next to a great big pool. The water felt great, and the greenery around the room made it feel completely secluded. I used the wireless Bluetooth speaker I bought (which worked great, BTW) and we relaxed in the pool and listened to music and took in the awesome view. What a place to watch a sunset.
The breakfast buffet at the Conrad Koh Samui
Breakfast is served every morning from 7:00-10:30 at Zest. I imagine that during crowded periods, there might be a wait for a buggy or difficulty with too many people at the buffet, but for some reason there weren’t that many people at the resort despite the amazing weather, so we found it easy to get a buggy and table whenever we wanted. You can order coffee drinks from your table and take advantage of the many, many, many, MANY choices.
Where to start? Coconuts and fresh juice, fruit, bread, mabodofu… this buffet has everything. I tried not to overstuff myself, but it was tough. There’s an egg station where you can order eggs, and next to that, porchetta - why? I don’t know, but I now want porchetta for breakfast every day. This buffet had much better bacon than the hotel in Bangkok, which I loved because it’s almost impossible to get good crispy bacon in Asia. And the satay! Oh my! I could eat that satay every meal for the rest of my life. Magical.
There was chia seed pudding, passion fruit smoothies, smoked salmon, dumplings, sai ua sausage… whatever you like for breakfast, they had it. I deserve a medal for not eating until I vomited every morning. One of the better hotel breakfast buffets I’ve ever experienced. Only thing it was missing was donuts.
The Longtail Boat Trip at the Conrad Koh Samui
The resort offers several activities and excursions you can book - jet skis, a farm tour, ATVs, a trip to an elephant sanctuary, and daily exercise/wellness/spa stuff (also, there’s a kids’ zone called the Turtle Club where little ones can do kid stuff). The activity we chose was the Longtail boat trip, which takes participants to two nearby islands. You can book a 3 1/2 hour shared boat trip for 1,750 baht per adult, or a private half-day trip (which is only four hours, just 30 min longer than the other one) for 6,500 baht for the first 4 people and 1,200 baht for each person after that.
We were warned that there’s a minimum of four on the shared trip and that if no one else booked that day, we’d have to switch to another day or pay the full private boat price. However, when we were dropped off at the pier (which is a 5 min drive from the resort), we were the only ones, with two guides to take us and only us, and we weren’t asked to pay extra. The only explanation we could think of was that someone else reserved our trip but cancelled less than 24 hours ahead of time and therefore had to pay anyway. Big thanks to whoever that was.
The first part of the boat trip takes you past the hotel, where you get a great view of the resort, which is an engineering marvel if you know nothing about engineering like us. The weather was great, the water sparkling blue, and yes we made sure to put on sunscreen. We jetted across the water to Koh Tan, another island where several party boats were marooned, for our snorkeling excursion.
The last time I’d been snorkeling was in my uncle Dusty’s above-ground pool as a child, so it took me a bit to get used to it. I also can’t really swim, so the lifejacket was necessary. I enjoyed having the flippers on my feet because they looked so dignified. We swam around while the two guides tossed fish food overboard to attract the little fishes, and oh my were there ever a lot of fishies. They were incredibly close, and the water was so clear it was easy to see them. We got the hang of snorkeling and it was a ton of fun.
The next stop was Koh Mad Sum AKA Pig Island, so named because of all the free-roaming pigs. They’re everywhere, along with some chickens and a few chill dogs. There are pigs of all sizes, from little tiny babies to great big gigantors, and some of them love to run around and squeal and fight. This island, like the others, was gorgeous, and we loved the view from the beach. There were a lot of people there, but it wasn’t terribly crowded, and we got to enjoy the pigs and dogs for about an hour before the relaxing ride home.
For the price, this was an awesome day, and we would absolutely recommend anyone staying at the Conrad do the Longtail Boat Trip. We managed to get out of there without too many sunburns while collecting an absurd amount of pictures and video of animals. The guides were nice and helpful, and everything went precisely as hoped. So much fun.
Zest restaurant at the Conrad Koh Samui
Zest is the hotel’s Thai restaurant and is open for dinner every evening from 5-11 p.m. It was never that crowded, so we could show up whenever we wanted and always get a table outside. We did reserve a table for sunset one night so we could watch the sun go down, but the other days we just walked in to be greeted by the friendly staff. And man were they ever friendly - the Zest staff contains some of the nicest people on the planet. After a single meal there, we resolved to eat dinner at Zest every night of our trip.
And it wasn’t just because of the nice staff or delicious food. While the Conrad offers room service, our Diamond Status gave us 25% off all food ordered in the hotel restaurants, which was a deal too good to pass up, so we always went to the restaurants to eat. 25% off is basically a free dessert, and “free” and “dessert” are two of my favorite words.
Pro tip: a 10% service charge is added to your bill at most if not all restaurants at the resort, so while there is a “tip” line on your receipt, check to see if a tip has already been added.
Zest has both Thai and Chinese food, including the favorites you know and some stuff that might be new to those who haven’t been to Thailand. The Chinese choices like kung pao chicken and sweet and sour pork were okay, but pretty standard. Even the pad Thai and phad see-eiw talay were good but not transcendent. The best stuff we had here was when we ventured beyond the standard favorites and tried things not always seen on Thai menus in foreign countries, like the nam prik aong dip with crispy pork skin, grilled beef with sticky rice, and spicy steamed sea bass, which was to DIE FOR. In Thailand, you’re usually making a good choice when you go with chicken, fish, or fruit, and this place was no exception.
Here’s another pro tip: when ordering the yellow curry at Zest, you will be asked if you want it spicy. Eriko doesn’t like spicy food and I have gastrointestinal issues, so we can’t really have super-spicy stuff. Therefore, I said, “leeeeeeeeettle bit spicy.” I should have said “mild.” That’s the magic word they were listening for - mild. When I said “little bit spicy,” they heard “spicy,” and brought something that basically firebombed our mouths. I enjoyed it and refused to quit, although eventually it vanquished me. Thankfully, the next-day revenge wasn’t too bad.
Zest would be a fine restaurant at any hotel, but the things that make it superb are the view and the friendly staff. Aside from in-villa dining and special options like romantic beach dining, there is also Jahn, a fancy steakhouse with limited seating that should probably be reserved in advance. We considered trying Jahn because we’d only ever been there for afternoon tea (which was delicious), but after eating everything in sight in Bangkok and stuffing ourselves at breakfast and lunch, did we really need to spend a ton of money on giant steaks? We decided against it, and were happy with our decision because it meant we got to come back to Zest every night and try new stuff. One million stars for the wait staff at Zest.
Lounging on the private beach
The Conrad has a private beach, and it’s been our experience that there’s hardly anyone ever there. I don’t know why, but across two visits, we’ve frequently had this beach to ourselves. There are great beach chairs in the shade and helpful staff to bring water, so you can lounge and read your Kindle until it’s time to go in the water and pee. There’s also kayaking if that’s your thing, but we never got around to it.
The water is clear and beautiful, it’s quiet and secluded, and everything is gorgeous. I’m not sure what else you could want. Every day, we got breakfast, got our swimsuits on, and spent a few hours in the a.m. relaxing on the beach. It was heaven.
Just up the steps from the beach is the large pool for those who find their private villa pools inadequate, along with a restaurant that’s open for lunch.
Azure Bar & Grill at the Conrad Koh Samui
Azure Bar & Grill is the poolside lunch spot at the Conrad. Again, there’s hardly anyone ever here. I’m not sure what everyone else was doing at this hotel, but we rarely saw them beyond breakfast. Maybe they were relaxing at their in-villa pools or going elsewhere on the island? I don’t know, and frankly, I don’t want to know.
I didn’t expect much from Azure. I figured it was just a poolside restaurant to get a quick pizza or something and that the food would be mediocre. Boy, was I wrong. The first day, we ordered foil-baked barramundi and an herb-crumbed pork cutlet, and both were OUTSTANDING. The food here was every bit as good as the breakfast buffet or at Zest for dinner.
The steak sandwich was great. The fries were great. The double Wagyu burger was so good I came back on our last day before we headed to the airport and had it again. If you’re planning a stay at the Conrad and you’re thinking, “oh, Western food, we can skip it,” you are stupid and I hate you. Azure is fabulous. And they have lemon ricotta cheesecake!
The floating breakfast at the Conrad Koh Samui
One of the activities you can reserve in advance is the floating breakfast. We did this the last time we were on the island, and we knew we had to do it again. They bring you a big tray of all kinds of food - Thai curry and rice, dumplings, rolls, satay, fruit, juice, coffee - and it floats in your private pool while you giggle and remark how crazy your life is.
This is another activity that is definitely a must-do. Where else are you going to be able to eat breakfast in a private pool? In your private pool at home, you rich snob? Well, we live in an apartment that stupidly lacks an infinity pool, so we can only enjoy stuff like this at hotels, and the floating breakfast at this hotel was wumperschniple (a word I made up to describe how much fun it was). We’d remembered it being a ton of food, but this time we were able to finish almost everything. Guess we were hungry.
Botanikka Coffee Shop at the Conrad Koh Samui
Botanikka, the hotel’s cafe, was a new addition for us - it wasn’t there back in 2020. The vibe is definitely cool, with old books and video games and comfy chairs and a mushroom room and hydroponic somethings outside, and like everything else at this hotel, it was pretty much empty so we could sit wherever we wanted.
One of the activities available is a private coffee workshop, where supposedly you will learn different methods of espresso extraction like moka pot, Chemex, V60, French press, syphon, and more. We love coffee, and Eriko gave me a moka pot for Xmas last year, so we were eager to learn how to use it properly. The class was scheduled for 2:30 p.m. and would take an hour.
We showed up at the appropriate time, and there was one other couple waiting to take the class. The guy leading the class (who was very hard to understand, sorry bro) led us downstairs and showed us where they roast the beans. There was a cute little kitty underneath the table.
“Is he mean?” asked the girl from the other couple. “He looks mean.”
She forced the guy to take the kitty away during our workshop, and for that I will never forgive her.
The guy told us a bit about the beans and showed us how they roast them. We watched and smelled at different points and watched the temperature as he explained how the different roasts are done. Then he said bye and left. We went upstairs and they asked us if we wanted to buy drinks. I looked at my phone: it was 2:50. The workshop had been only 20 minutes, and we hadn’t been shown how to make any drinks.
Confused, we got a couple coffees and left. The next day, we went to the little shop next door to buy sunburn lotion, and stopped in at Botanikka for more coffee. The couple we’d done the workshop with was leaving as we entered. Inside, we saw a table littered with all the different instruments for making coffee. It seems they had gotten to do the rest of the workshop the next day. Why did no one tell us?
This was the one sour point of the trip. I’m not sure why we didn’t get the workshop we’d signed up for, but on our final bill we weren’t charged for it, so I just let it go. It was a very small hiccup, though a bit annoying since we’d organized our day around it. Oh, well. Maybe get some coffee and chill and don’t bother with the workshop. And if you don’t want to move from your bed, you can always order an iced latte from room service because life is short so why not.
The promenade and pier
When you go down the stairs to get to the beach, take a right and you’ll get to where the kayaks and lounge chairs are. Take a left, and you can walk to the promenade, a nice little path that leads to a wedding venue and a long, white pier. This pier is GORGEOUS. It makes for great pictures and just adds to the general awesome vibe of this place. No one there but us and a gorgeous view. Where was everyone? I don’t know. Maybe people just don’t appreciate this place.
The verdict: is the Conrad Koh Samui worth the money?
The Conrad Koh Samui can be quite expensive. Looking at some future dates, the cost of a room like ours ranges from a little under $600 per night to as much as $1,000 per night, depending on when you go. That’s not a terrible price for a fancy hotel in a major city, but it’s a lot for Samui considering the island has plenty of hotels you can stay at for under $100 per night.
We don’t like to pay for things, so we used points. It was 95,000 Hilton Honors points per night for three nights, plus a free night certificate for the fourth night. I do not understand how you can book this hotel with a free night certificate - that seems like a way to go out of business, and as the owner of one share of Hilton stock, I’m worried about the health of this company. But I digress.
There are certainly cheaper hotels on Samui. So why pay more for an out-of-the-way resort with needless extravagance?
Look at those pictures. They gave us TEDDY BEARS WITH OUR NAMES ON THEM. I don’t care what this hotel costs: it’s worth it.
I understand some people would not see the point in staying here. If you’re young and want to get drunk on the beach and then go dancing at night and hook up with some stranger, then by all means, stay at a cheap hotel near Chaweng and have a blast.
But if, like us, you think that sounds terrible, you can reward yourself with a secluded, luxurious, delicious, dang-near perfect stay at one of the best hotels you’ll ever find and probably the best use of Hilton Honors points possible. Highly recommend. One million stars.
Location and info
Address: 49 8-9 Moo 4, Hillcrest Road, Taling-Ngam,Koh Samui, 84140, Thailand
Phone: +66 77-915-888
Email: conrad_koh_samui@conradhotels.com
The Conrad Koh Samui is on the south end of the island, basically the opposite end from the airport. You’ll need to arrange a car to take you pretty much anywhere, but luckily, the hotel is very helpful when it comes to all that stuff. Of course, you also need to get to Koh Samui, which can be reached from Singapore or Bangkok via Bangkok Airways.
